How to Pick Up Girls in Sword Art Online


Follow this simple advice and one day you too will have a harem just like Kirito’s.

1. Shun them

The less you seek to interact with women the more they will flock to you. Do not let them into your lives. Become a solo player and enjoy your own company and unending loneliness.

2. Develop a terrible fashion sense

Promote your deep, dark, brooding personage by wearing nothing but black. Badass longcoats help. If you do have to wear white, complain like hell and try to duel your guild leader to get out of it.

3. Lie about your level

Nothing draws in the girls like a sense of mystery! Sure, it might get them accidentally killed in a raid, but look on the bright side: you can use your grief and guilt to develop further layers of mystery in your character. After hearing about your depressing backstory, no girl will resist giving you a well-deserved hug.

4. Neglect your little sister

Not only can you win girls’ favour by telling them they resemble your sister, your beloved imouto-chan in real life might fall madly and passionately in love with your comatose body.

5. Use your love interest to lure out PKers

Girls do not mind being used and put in danger. Of course, make sure you have a high level and a HP regenerating skill equipped so you don’t look like a total noob when you solo the entire PK guild.

6. Take naps instead of clearing dungeons

It’s okay to take a sickie from work every once in a while so that you can sit on your arse and do nothing about your terrible situation in life. Try sleeping out in the open where you can get easily PK’ed and when you wake up, you will find a girl sleeping next to you. As soon as she wakes up, she will offer you lunch.

7. Break the girl’s best equipment

Bonus points if you blame her for it afterwards. She will get mad, but she’s just being a tsundere, of course.


8. Collect faeces for her

It’s romantic.

9. Grope her

Despite the fact that no game mechanics in the world should permit this, be sure to conveniently fall over and slip your hands underneath her chest plate armour. Be warned that she will beat you up, but the feeling of squeezing polygons is well worth it, trust me.

10. Murder someone

While it is preferable to murder someone who is trying to kill you both, the best thing to do is take advantage of the confusion and then kiss her without asking to. Play your cards right and you’ll be a married man by the end of the day.

Isn’t it all so simple? Whoulda thought getting chicks would be this easy!

(Source: How to pick up girls)


  1. 1 ) You know, the problem with SAO, especially in the original LN (never mind the anime) is the insanely non-chronological and absurdly truncated nature of character development. It’s like reading the awesome first chapter of a Shounen plot (Episode 1), skipping the first arc (which should have been about what happened to Kirito and Aincard in general in the first month), reading only the first chapter of the second arc (Episode 2, which was a grossly butchered version of Part 1 of a multi-part Arc of which the author only wrote the first three parts of) , then skipping to the downer Total party Wipe ending of the third arc (episode 3). With ZERO development in between.

    And all the while, they expect you to buy the sudden leaps of so called “character development”, where a Loner… apparently develops into something else off-screen. .

    3) That was apparently a consequence of episode 2, but hey, the adaptation not only adapted the work of a Noob author, it was a dumb adaptation that choose to focus on the strangest of details..

    A dumb adaptation of the scribbling of a newbie author that probably only could have seen the light of day in Japan…. SAO anime in a nutshell.

    4) I just realized that the first four books of SAO would make for a brilliant reference guide to Anime harem cliches long after these plot devices are in their graves. .

    6) It’s like we are seeing all the denouements and climaxes of the story, without seeing the build-up!

    But hey, you can sell 40K BDs per volume, just by producing a Shounen show with bits and pieces of what was supposed to be the story. There’s no need to adapt 130 episodes – you can tell it in 13, and outsell every anime that season. )=

    To be fair though, Kirito had two years (most of it… offscreen) – Pick-up tips are supposed to get you girls on the spot. (=

  2. I’ve been thinking this way since I watched SAO up til now: Kirito sure is a too-perfect character. too good to be true, like, there’s no way in hell a boy with this soooo much good aspects in one body, irl. In my sister’s mind Kirito must be a prince who rides the white horse or some knight in the pitch black (because i’m not calling that robe ‘shining armor’) armor.

  3. […] Of course, there is the disturbing subtext that anti-social behaviour is okay and can get you the ladies, but instead of being fixated by the horrible messages, I prefer to make jokes about it, just like this tongue-in-cheek guide on How to Pick Up Chicks in Sword Art Online does. […]

  4. It was hilarious xD And as much as I know people hate Kirito, because “he is too OP” (I love OP characters tbh), I know that if Kirito was a girl, not only half of those scenes would be gone and replaced with “oh this random guy got to see my panties, because I tripped on him and landed on his face with my butt”, so some randoms would be made happy by Kirito-Girl protagonist and by no chance she would be able to play the brooding female hero because “of course that doesn’t exist in fiction, girls cannot be brooding heroes in black” rule lol, but also she would be hated even more if she was as strong as Kirito is. That’s the truth xD

    [Now I wonder why I commented on article written 6 years go…]

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s