Because Froggy is away in the Philippines, twelve guest writers will be blogging about anime and/or Christmas. Today’s guest writer is Monobear from Danganronpa, a sadistic bear and the principal of Hope’s Academy.

Warning: This post contains spoilers for the TV series ending of Puella Magi Madoka Magica.

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I don’t watch a lot of these anime cartoons, but if there’s one thing I know for certain, it’s that any anime written by Gen Urobuchi is complete crap and overrated.

This guy thinks he knows what despair is when in actual fact he is a pansy who probably cries when he stubs his toe.

I’m a good bear and also a very smart one, and I can see that this Urobuchi guy reads a lot of high-minded literature. He’s got a lot of fancy-sounding ideas which he likes to regurgitate like a teenage girl with no confidence in her body regurgitates her breakfast in the toilet bowl. He thinks he’s saying something original about the human condition or whatever when he makes out that people always have nasty sides in them, like in Psycho-Pass and Fate Zero. I’m chill with that part, but then Urobuchi just piddles around with his interesting scenarios and sucks away all the despairingly despairish parts out of ’em. That’s helluva boring.

Take that Madoka show, for instance. What a piece of crap that turned out to be in the end. That wussy girl ends up coming up with an easy, convenient solution to her problems just by sacrificing herself or some crap when it was foreshadowed the whole way through that she would turn into a witch and eat everyone’s brains. After hearing rave reviews on the Internet about how Madoka is a “deconstruction” and that “being a magical girl is despair”, I was the one in despair – because that ending was pointless and boring. That third Madoka movie sounds a little better, but I can’t be bothered watching it, since I have better things to do like actually causing despair.

This Urobuchi guy also has no sense of humour. The funniest joke he tried to make in Madoka was a couple of cheap lesbian gags. As a rule, lesbians in anime are completely unentertaining unless they’ve got chainsaws and are trying to kill each other. That’s watchable at least.

This guy didn’t just piddle around with Madoka, though – he’s still doing it in 2013! Psycho-Pass had a couple of people dying, as well as Makishima, who is an okay supervillain but doesn’t look nearly as good as I do naked, but in the end, the status quo never really changed. The despair level was just not enough to justify me watching it.

There is no despair or hope in Urobuchi’s endings – there is only indifference.

That’s the big problem in everything he writes. Hope is something you dangle in front of a despairing person like a piece of bait and then when they grab onto it, you throw them into further despair. It’s super effective, ufufufu!

But Urobuchi doesn’t get it. He doesn’t get how hope and despair are two sides of the same coin. When he writes about people dying and suffering because of their ideals, he sounds like he’s doing it from a comfy armchair by the fire. He doesn’t get the depths of despair. He doesn’t get the thrill~!

Oh, and don’t even get me started on Suisei no Gargantia, that boring piece of crap! The less said about that, the better!

Hmmm, maybe one day I should let Urobuchi into my Academy Colosseum pitting hope against despair. Maybe then he’ll finally write a decent story. If he survives to tell a tale, that is…!

Ufufufu, what can I say? I’m such a considerate bear~