Since Valentine’s Day is tomorrow, I decided to embrace my inner anime girl and prepared homemade chocolates.
As you might imagine, I was very nervous with this undertaking. It was my first time doing something so ambitious or romantic. My heart went DOKI DOKI the whole time. I-It’s not as if I like anyone or anything, though!
Like all good waifus, the first thing I did was tell my mother that I *blush* wanted to make chocolate for Valentine’s Day. “And oh mother dear,” I said, “could you help me make it? Let’s make it a bonding activity!”
My mother said sure, and then proceeded to do absolutely nothing at all. She sat at the kitchen bench and played with her Samsung Galaxy while I got the ingredients together and did all the hard work.
The instructions are simple. I decided not to be so ambitious as to actually make the chocolate from scratch. Instead, I followed the advice of a random Wikihow article and set about melting chocolate blocks so that I could remould them into heart shapes.
I’m told that this is quite common to do because homemade chocolate is kinda tricky to get just right. If you are an anime girl, though, it just gets you cockblocked because you didn’t put enough love into the finishing product.
But that’s okay because I’m single.
The first thing I did was break up the chocolate blocks into tinier chunks. After doing this for about thirty seconds, I got a little bored of following the instructions, so I decided to make my own innovations to the formula. I broke up chocolates of different flavours – cookies and cream, hazelnut, strawberry and some random powders I found in the cupboard – and mixed them all up together to create my super mega deluxe chocolate.
The next thing I did was put the chocolate pieces into a plastic bag, which I then put into a bowl, which I then put into the microwave. I microwaved for about a minute or two and then looked at the bag. The bag was completely broken at the bottom and all the chocolate had leaked out. I took out the leaking bowl, only to realise I had forgotten to lay out a tray. So I dumped all the melted chocolate onto a plate.
That’s when I brought out my knife, thinking I could carve out the heart shapes then and there. Unfortunately, I found that knives are incapable of carving liquid. I also realised that not all the chocolate had melted and that there were lumps everywhere because I had not broken the blocks into equal-sized pieces. So I gave my attempts at carving a rest and stuck my work into the fridge, figuring I could get at it when it was hard.
After that, I watched some anime, read a novel, played an eroge, blah blah blah, and completely forgot about the chocolate’s existence. The next morning, my mother said, “How’s the chocolate going?” So I looked in the fridge and found the chocolate was as hard as rock and therefore impossible to cut with a butter knife.
“I think it’s going really well,” I said. “Here, have some.”
My mother took a bite. Immediately, she turned pale and uttered some choice profanities. Then she turned and fled the room.
At this point, I was starting to get the sense that what I had created could no longer accurately be described as “chocolate”. Later on, I showed my brother what I had done and he said, “Get that away from me!”
My father said, “I wouldn’t even feed that to a dog.”
It was weird, though, because I had tasted the chocolate myself and I knew that it was still very sweet, just like chocolate is meant to taste.
I have no other choice but to conclude that the people in my family are just unfair and don’t recognise my cooking genius. But that’s okay. Tomorrow, I am going to see my friends and let them try some of my chocolate. I’m sure they’ll enjoy it!
Here is a photo of my creation:
Happy Valentine’s Day, everyone!
Many thanks for simulating a V-Day themed episode. This one was 100X better than the lame Seitokai Yakuindomo 2 V-Day episode. I can cook but never took classes on how to make sweets. I dare not try for the sake of my family’s health.
I agree. They should make an anime about me. It would be awesome.
From a cooking perspective, I don’t think sweets are actually too hard, though? If you can actually cook, that is…
Life Lessons 101.
Your anime girl level is now 1000000%.
Well… it kinda looks like poo… but we shouldn’t judge by appearances… right? :-)
I am kawaii imouto waifu
I was looking forward to free chocolate tomorrow, but after seeing this post I am somewhat worried for my wellbeing.
There now, it wasn’t so bad. You ate it and you’re still alive, unless I happen to be talking to a zombie right now
I was curious what this was going to end up looking like. Thank you for not disappointing.
I’d still try it though.
Awww, thanks! You’re the best
…Um, good thing you’re currently single.
Always gotta look on the bright side
I don’t know what to say about that picture xD
I sympathise with you. Like any visual masterpiece, it defies all attempts to describe it with words
I would love to try your chocolate.
Happy Valentine, Froggykun-san.
Happy Valentines Day to you too!
Where did you get the idea to use a plastic bag?
I thought it would make the chocolate melt quicker
This was a triumph. At the very least, better than my anime club’s version featuring Jan Valentine, which predictably got too lewd too quickly.
The best part is that all my chocolate actually got eaten today yessssssssss
You forgot the fish head! Anime girls always throw in a fish head!
Damn it! I knew I was forgetting something important!
Hmm… as far as I know, you have to pour the melt chocolate into a heart shaped cake plate, preferably the ones with removable bottom plate. Anyway, happy valentine’s day!
Yeah, that sounds about right. I lacked all the materials though. Happy Valentine’s Day to you too!
Possibly your attempts would have gone better if you had cut your fingers multiple times during the carving process, then gone to anime-school the next day with band aids all over your fingers before presenting your chocolate? This seems to be a fairly crucial step in making Valentine’s Day chocolate like an anime girl – kinda shocked you left it out tbh.
Egad! You’re right! I still have a long way to go. Gotta work harder!
You’re unexpectedly cuter than an anime girl but it seems like you have inherited their shit cooking. You best remake dem chocolates from scratch (and then have your chocolate heart literally/figuratively broken *shot*)
Also, I still love your parents’ reactions, especially your mom’s xD
Why is it such a surprise I’m cuter than anime girl? I’m so fucking kawaii
Advice from one aspiring imouto waifu to another- melting chocolate in a metal bowl over a boiling pot of water is usually a foolproof way to melt chocolate more evenly. Microwaves are unreliable.
Respect for the attempt. I’m sure the chocolate was tastier than it looks.
Yeah, it actually wasn’t that bad and the incident caused no casualties, I am happy to report.
Thanks for the advice for next time!
This was hilarious to read xD
Thanks for sharing your experience, I’m still in the path of becoming an anime girl myself u_u;
Thank you! I wish you well in your journey towards enlightenment
Is this vomit?
Oh, this is an old post. Well, I don’t think I remember reading this before, and I laughed, so it’s all good. Also, for any other readers – don’t microwave non-specially prepared for microwave plastic, as it releases toxic gases/particles into your food.
And on that front, microwaving chocolate *Shakes his head*
[…] Day to anyone celebrating! Anyone not celebrating (or not enjoying it), maybe this 2014 account of Frog-kun’s attempts to make Valentine’s chocolate like an anime girl will help. Worth a click for the photographic evidence […]