Ranking the SAO Girls
Posted by Frog-kun
For what reason would you read an anime blog? For the expert opinions and deep analysis, of course.
Let me now impart onto you my profound insight about a very serious matter. Please read this post carefully. My opinions are very important.
THIS IS AN OBJECTIVE RANKING OF THE SAO GIRLS IN ORDER OF THEIR WAIFU APPEAL.
Because I have conveniently forgotten all the girls from the first season of the show, this list is only going to apply to females who have appeared in the second season so far. Whatever.
Yui is a terrible character. She seems to have been invented for the sole purpose of completing Kirito and Asuna’s happily little “family”. Her very existence is stupid and causes diabetes. I do not know what kind of people would want to look up hentai of her, but apparently these people do exist.
Outside of convenient plot moments, Yui is an entirely useless character. She is not cute or moe. Well, maybe occasionally she is funny, but that’s about it.
Overall grade: F
Asuna is the most boring character in the show. Even Kirito has more personality than her. I don’t hate her, but man I wish she showed some human-like emotion from time to time. Maybe if she stopped thinking about herself in terms of “WHAT WOULD KIRITO-KUN THINK” she might show a glimmer of sentient thought.
The funny thing is that I have heard people describe the relationship between Kirito and Asuna as equal, and that Asuna is a badass herself. Um, really? I think you only ever see her fight like twice in the entire show. And most of the focus is on Kirito and his DUAL BLADES anyway.
Oh, but at least she’s good at cooking! Clearly, the most desirable trait for a woman! She’s good for making sandwiches!
Overall grade: D
Lisbeth is okay I guess. Out of all the HAREM TIME episodes in the first season, hers was probably the best because it had dragon faeces in it. Also, Lisbeth has pink hair and mildly tsundere-ish traits. Good enough for a pass!
Overall grade: C
Oh, Silica. Never change.
Overall grade: C
Imouto is something of an odd case. In a different show and context, her story would have been compelling, since it’s a fairly empathetic handling of the imouto/loser childhood friend trope. As it was, she was a distraction that only emphasised how trite the plot was.
Yet although I hated what she symbolised, in retrospect, her character arc was still the most interesting part of the ALO arc. So kudos to her for that. Her tears were delicious.
Overall grade: C+
3) The Horny Nurse
I probably shouldn’t have been amused by the above scene as I was, but honestly, anyone who humiliates Kirito gets a thumbs up in my book.
Later on, Horny Nurse comforts Kirito as he cries to her about the PTSD symptoms he suddenly acquired in a vacuum. She was less awesome in that scene.
But hey, competent adults in Sword Art Online! Whould’ve thunk it?
Overall grade: B
Okay, let’s be real. Sinon is the only Sword Art Online girl who can actually stand for herself. That pretty much makes her Best Girl by default.
I do have some problems with her character, though. Her traumatic backstory is really hamfisted, and the anime in particular has really focused on her ASSets in a way that makes it kind of difficult to take her seriously as a character.
The anime has also really been pushing for the Kirito x Sinon shipping, which strikes me as forced and tacked on. Are people really that bored of watching Kirito and Asuna act sickeningly lovey dovey around each other? …I don’t even need to ask that question, do I.
In any case, what we get with Sinon is a character who desperately wants her own agency, but the plot, the director and Kirito just won’t give her room to breathe. It’s frustrating. I like her, but she could have been more.
Overall grade: B+
Kirito is an asshole, but Kiriko is the woman dreams are made of. I was in love with her at first sight, honestly. I fantasise about her all the time. Sometimes, I even contemplate writing lame fanfiction shipping myself with her, where the two of us live happily together in the digital world for ever and ever. Amen.
“But isn’t that a gu-” you say.
No! Stop it! Don’t ruin it for me!
“But Kiriko’s marri-”
SHUT UP WHAT DID I TELL YOU
Overall grade: A++
Other Arbitrary Ratings:
Guy whom Sinon has friendzoned: D
DESU GUN: B-
If I’ve missed out on anyone important, let me know. And if you disagree with my ratings, your waifu is shit.